Breathe in, breathe out.

Things aren't always what they should be.

You play these picture perfect images in your head, but it never turns out that way.

Thats how I feel a lot of the time.

I thought I had the world a week ago, but then reality came crashing in.

Here was my picture perfect life;

Decorating a room, pink or blue.

Knowing that someone is going to change my life forever & I wouldn't have a care in the world.

I could look down at my stomach & be filled with joy instead of being disgusted in myself.

To have my phone filled with photos of every smile & laugh.

Long walks with the stroller, & Justin.

Seeing him interact with it, & it melting my heart every time.

First steps to finger painting.

Me over reacting to every cough & sniffle.

Being that amazing mom, like mine.

September 22, 2011

I found out that I was pregnant by an early morning trip to the ER.

We were both filled with joy & excitement.

Things couldnt be better!

We went to everything we could; early birds class, 1st appointment & a budget for baby class.

They even gave us a bag full of cute baby stuff.

It was all I ever thought about.

I enjoyed every minute of it.

October 14, 2011

I had a miscarriage.

My heart broke into pieces.

That whole day just dragged on.

I wanted to wake up from this horrible dream.

I 'gave birth' in our bathroom, by myself.

I couldnt believe that I was going through this.

I started spotting the night before so Justin gave me the number just in case.

He came home & our friends came with us to the ER.

They took some blood & ran some lab work & took our baby for testing.

Im home, empty.

This whole thing is so draning.

I know it wasn't that far along, but I still lost my baby.

Constant reminders are everywhere.

I hurt, in every way.

I hope time heals this. ):

I didnt know how to vent, or let this out.

I wanted to wait to tell everyone when I was in the 'safe zone'

I know I am not alone in the world when it comes to this.

I am thankful for all the support my family & friends have given me.

I really dont know how to thank you guys.

<3