Tis' The Season

Oh yes, the holidays are just around the corner!

I just love this time of year! (:

Hot coco, warm fire places, SNOW.

Except, the desert doesnt get snow, & if it does, it only lasts for maybe an hour.

I miss how my dad always had a fire going in the house.

I never knew someone could crave the heat that comes from one like I do.

Thanksgiving is in less than 2 weeks, my first one away from home.

Justin & I are going to our friend Lindsey's moms house.

Im a little nervous about how its going to go.

Just the awkwardness of not knowing anyone there except her & her husband is going be hard to get over.

But I gotta leave my comfort zone to make this holiday away from home less sucky.

We finally get our car back this Monday, after not having it for over a month.

Also Monday is the one month anniversary of us losing our first child. ):

Its still hard to think about it, but it hurts a little less.

Coffee & crocheting have became my two favorite things.

I would need coffee creamer & yarn to enjoy both, being broke sucks. ):

I have found a way to get a little extra income in, Avon!

I hope that I find some family & friends that would want to buy stuff from me though.

My husband just turned 20 on Oct 27th.

I tried making him a cake by scratch but it turned out horrible. haha

It tasted kinda good, but it was super ugly. :/

Yesterday he had a virus & it made him sick to his stomach.

We took him to the hospital to make sure it wasnt anything too serious.

They told him to take nausea pills, which I already had from my pregnancy & some tylenol for his back pains.

He is a lot better after some TLC & gatorade.

We finally purchaced our plane tickets to WA for Christmas.

I am so excited to see my family, & my old pets!
I am not going to lie, I have been homesick ever since I saw that our 'lawn' is sand....
I dont know what I will be more excited about, all the green trees, or my family.
Home cooked meals & a warm house with my family sounds like a dream.
Stepping off the plane to my family will make me one happy girl! (:
So on the 23 of December I will be married to my bestfriend for a year.
This has been the longest but fastest year of my life.
Both in good ways of course.
I cant wait to see what next year will bring us. (:
<3

Breathe in, breathe out.

Things aren't always what they should be.

You play these picture perfect images in your head, but it never turns out that way.

Thats how I feel a lot of the time.

I thought I had the world a week ago, but then reality came crashing in.

Here was my picture perfect life;

Decorating a room, pink or blue.

Knowing that someone is going to change my life forever & I wouldn't have a care in the world.

I could look down at my stomach & be filled with joy instead of being disgusted in myself.

To have my phone filled with photos of every smile & laugh.

Long walks with the stroller, & Justin.

Seeing him interact with it, & it melting my heart every time.

First steps to finger painting.

Me over reacting to every cough & sniffle.

Being that amazing mom, like mine.

September 22, 2011

I found out that I was pregnant by an early morning trip to the ER.

We were both filled with joy & excitement.

Things couldnt be better!

We went to everything we could; early birds class, 1st appointment & a budget for baby class.

They even gave us a bag full of cute baby stuff.

It was all I ever thought about.

I enjoyed every minute of it.

October 14, 2011

I had a miscarriage.

My heart broke into pieces.

That whole day just dragged on.

I wanted to wake up from this horrible dream.

I 'gave birth' in our bathroom, by myself.

I couldnt believe that I was going through this.

I started spotting the night before so Justin gave me the number just in case.

He came home & our friends came with us to the ER.

They took some blood & ran some lab work & took our baby for testing.

Im home, empty.

This whole thing is so draning.

I know it wasn't that far along, but I still lost my baby.

Constant reminders are everywhere.

I hurt, in every way.

I hope time heals this. ):

I didnt know how to vent, or let this out.

I wanted to wait to tell everyone when I was in the 'safe zone'

I know I am not alone in the world when it comes to this.

I am thankful for all the support my family & friends have given me.

I really dont know how to thank you guys.

<3



Just the beginning (:

Vancouver, WA

2010 <3

This picture pretty much sums up what we are, bestfriends.

I love him for that more & more each day.

Our Story (:

Anyways, we have been friends since the 3rd grade, so the year 2000.

We always sat next to eachother on the bus & talked about our day & ALWAYS joked around. (:

I guess I never got the hint...

Every morning before school would start I would look for him & sit next to him.

Never knew why I always had butterflies, but they always showed up right when I saw him.

We had a class together.

1st period Child Development (2009)

They made us wear the empathy belly & gave us fake babies.

Tried to scare us, but only made me even more excited to have kids. (:

Justin & I had the bellies & babies at the same exact time, fate? (;

(& yes the guys had to wear bellies too) hehe (:

The first night we had our babies I finally got it to stop crying & my phone rings.

Justin was calling me & wanted to come over to his house to watch our babies together.

It was really weird trying to fit a carseat into a Geo Metro.

He kept asking for 1 kiss & I kept saying no, but I gave in.

It was that awkard best friend first kiss that you see in the movies.

Quick & harmless right?

It made me start thinking of him in a different way other than bestfriends.

I tried to push this to the back of my head but everytime I saw him my heart would melt.

The stupidest thing I did was set him up with my so called 'bestfriend' & he did the same for me.....

This was the summer of 2009, mine ended right when senior year started.

His ended 1 month before bootcamp.

I fell for him, I wanted him & only him.

I wanted to be the only one he came home to everyday.

So I made it happen.

I had to follow my heart, through its little obsticle courses.

Summer of 2010

Right before we said our first 'see you later' <3

Bootcamp made me see how much I can love someone without them being there.

Paper with the words 'i love you' ment more to me than flowers at that point.

Oh & when he sent me a piece of licorice, my dog loved that. hahah (:

Justin is such an amazing guy & I wouldnt want this any other way.

I missed him so much when he was away, it scared me.

The thought of me still being 18 & being so in love with someone I have only dated for a month lingered in my head for quite some time.

We were talking about getting married in the letters & I was having doubts.

But right when I saw him again, I knew that he was the one I wanted to grow old with. (:

December 23, 2010

Our little wedding

We were both trying not to cry (':





<3

Rings were bought & exchanged.

Then he was off again for another 3 months.

I was in shock, married at 18?

Didnt I just get my license that year too?

Didnt I get my first job also?

Moving was next on the list.

We now live in Twentynine Palms, CA.

We have the best pets in the world.

Bentley & Jasper

(bentley is a mastiff shephard mix

jasper is a cute lil kitten)

Needless to say, I am blessed. <3