Things aren't always what they should be.
You play these picture perfect images in your head, but it never turns out that way.
Thats how I feel a lot of the time.
I thought I had the world a week ago, but then reality came crashing in.
Here was my picture perfect life;
Decorating a room, pink or blue.
Knowing that someone is going to change my life forever & I wouldn't have a care in the world.
I could look down at my stomach & be filled with joy instead of being disgusted in myself.
To have my phone filled with photos of every smile & laugh.
Long walks with the stroller, & Justin.
Seeing him interact with it, & it melting my heart every time.
First steps to finger painting.
Me over reacting to every cough & sniffle.
Being that amazing mom, like mine.
September 22, 2011
I found out that I was pregnant by an early morning trip to the ER.
We were both filled with joy & excitement.
Things couldnt be better!
We went to everything we could; early birds class, 1st appointment & a budget for baby class.
They even gave us a bag full of cute baby stuff.
It was all I ever thought about.
I enjoyed every minute of it.
October 14, 2011
I had a miscarriage.
My heart broke into pieces.
That whole day just dragged on.
I wanted to wake up from this horrible dream.
I 'gave birth' in our bathroom, by myself.
I couldnt believe that I was going through this.
I started spotting the night before so Justin gave me the number just in case.
He came home & our friends came with us to the ER.
They took some blood & ran some lab work & took our baby for testing.
Im home, empty.
This whole thing is so draning.
I know it wasn't that far along, but I still lost my baby.
Constant reminders are everywhere.
I hurt, in every way.
I hope time heals this. ):
I didnt know how to vent, or let this out.
I wanted to wait to tell everyone when I was in the 'safe zone'
I know I am not alone in the world when it comes to this.
I am thankful for all the support my family & friends have given me.
I really dont know how to thank you guys.
<3